X Tips: What to Re-Watch in 2023

Looking at the list of the new movies hitting the big screen in 2023, the vibe doesn’t feel modern, but more so recycled. Over the years, streaming services have dominated more and more of the market share for visual media, and the appeal of novelty has faltered as many take solace in the easy accessibility of classics they already enjoy. Re-watching The Officefor the umpteenth time is familiar & comforting, you already know you like it (or Community, How I Met Your Mother, but definitely not Friends).

Starting a new show, or movie, can feel risky; What if it’s not good? The patience our parents had back when TVs had antennas and two channels is lost on us. Now cable TV has thousands of stations you can click through, and nobody even watches them. It would take over four years to watch everything on Netflix, forget adding Hulu, Crave or Disney Plus on top of that. Making a dent in that is almost impossible when you’re reviewing the Prison Mike episode. Of course, nobody's watching anything without their phone in hand, doing homework, or both.

Media companies are aware of this, and in return have given us what they deem we want. While they don’t make as much money from old movies, we re-watch, a new movie based on an older one seems to do enough to trick us into watching it. For example, Wonka, yet another take on Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory will be hitting the big screens this year; however, this time, the film does not include Charlie. The film stars Timothee Chalamet as young Willy Wonka because, of course, it has Timothy Chalamet. Chalamet is also starring in Dune Vol. 2, the second part of what is supposed to be a two-part series. That is, unless Warner Bros. likes the ratings of this re-adaptation of the 1965 novel by Frank Herbert, already having a film adaption of in 1984 by David Lynch.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 and Antman and The Wasp/Quantumania are coming out, where you can expect time travel, lasers, snappy dialogue and definite cameos from actors across the MCU. Spoiler alert: Iron Man is still dead in this timeline. Spider Man: Across the Spider Verse, one of the few Marvel movies not in the MCU, will still feature its driving plot force of Spiderman to meet Spidermen from other universes. Having Tom Holland, Andrew Garfield and Toby Maguire on screen together wasn’t enough. Additionally, A live-action The Little Mermaid remake with Halle Berry will help you to figure out which one of your friends and family is a closet racist but also show you that Disney fired all their writers who write their own ideas.

Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling star in Barbie, while Chris Pratt voices the titular character of The Super Mario Bros. Movie, there’s a new Hunger Games movie, another John Wick, Scream XI, Transformers: Rise of Beasts, Creed 3,Aquaman 2, Meg 2, Legally Blonde 3, The Nun 2, The Equalizer 3, Murder Mystery 2, The Expendables 4, a new Indiana Jones and--I’m being deadly serious right now--Fast and Furious 10.

Am I going to watch any of these? Probably. Am I going to like it? I don’t really care. If I’m actually paying to go to the Cinema to watch a movie, I plan to be so high I don’t remember what happens. The only note-worthy candidate this year seems to be Cocaine Bear, which like every other movie mentioned here is not original but based on the true story of a black bear in 1985 that did a $#*!- ton of cocaine. To be fair, those were the 80s. If my word alone doesn’t have you buying a ticket it’s important to note it is also the last feature film performance from Ray Liotta, who passed away in 2022. Speaking of, I should re-watch Goodfellas soon.