In the last several months, I have had time to reflect in a way that I have not had since I started university nearly five years ago. It is true that time moves faster as you get older. My friend Annie once said that the days are long, but the months and years go by quickly. She was certainly right on that front. The global pandemic, abrupt conclusion of my time at StFX, and the largest movement protesting anti-Black racism in the world, pushed me into a spinning whirlpool. I felt helpless as I spun around and around getting just enough oxygen until finally, I was sucked to the bottom of the ocean. When I finally emerged, I felt like the survivor of a shipwreck like we see in the films, arduously emerging from the waves with my clothes tattered and my hair stringy, exhausted and dehydrated but grateful to at last be on land. The global pandemic and the Black Lives Matter (BLM) protests meant that there were millions upon millions of others that were trudging their way onto land, just like I was.
Since the time I first saw what racism looked like, at the tender age of six, I have been trying to do what I can to contribute to its abolishment, however small and insignificant these efforts may seem in the larger scheme of things. In university, I was often asked about why I was so involved and what motivated me. Before you ask, no I did not think I could end racism at StFX. However, I did think it was my responsibility to ensure that StFX was a better place for the Black students that came after me than it was for me. These ambitions motivated me to write about racism for the StFX Alumni Award essay competition, to help create Academic Success for All to assist student athletes, to join the Student Executive and later run for President. These actions, among others, were all taken with the hope that somehow in the end it would all mean something.
At StFX, whether it was my classmates or all the way up to the University President, the school was distinctly and characteristically White, like most universities. As a person who eventually made her way to the top of formal student leadership, I saw firsthand how the university operated. Hint: White folks are making all the decisions and there is a focus on mazuma. This is also how the government and most organizations and companies work. Upon understanding that these two elements had the greatest influence on decisions at the university, my team and I quietly studied the best ways to fulfil our objectives for students’ interests and then we presented them in a manner that best aligned with the goals of decision-makers. Take notes, I am giving free advice.
As Students’ Union President, I was often the only Black person in these “higher-up” spaces if not accompanied by my team. For Black people it is always a dance; speaking eloquently but not too forcefully, confirming you were born in the country but with a laugh so as to avoid awkwardness, not reacting angrily in the face of blatant racism but instead walking away or politely educating those who insulted you. But why? Why can’t I just curse out the dummy that said, “All Lives Matter” upon seeing my BLM pin? Or why does the Black soccer player who gets called the N-Word on the field, get reprimanded for reacting angrily? The answer is because we can only be Black in a way that is palatable for White people. This is called White fragility and at its core, it prioritizes the feelings of White people above the trauma and experiences of Black people. It is the art of silencing Black folks through defensiveness, indignation, or by withdrawing from the conversation. It is also presenting excuses for behaviour or having “hurt feelings,” and weaponizing tears whenever Black people talk about their experiences. I hate to break it to you, but you’re not the one who was harmed and now you’re just taking space away from those who had been willing to share their pain with you.
In a recent conversation with a girl I grew up with, I was shocked to hear about the incidents of racism that she endured during her time in school. The rest of our group had grown up in the immigrant communities of Calgary and been surrounded by students who looked like us. This was in stark contrast to my friend’s experiences of having grown up in a predominantly White area and attending White schools. She said that what started in elementary school as pencils and erasers being stuck in her hair (with the teacher’s approval) then evolved by high school into students making monkey noises in the hallways and referring to Black students by the N-Word as they walked past. This was a daily occurrence. And it seems that these racist high schoolers share tactics inter-provincially, because my cousin in Halifax described similar experiences and named her high school’s hockey team as particularly egregious perpetrators of racism. A quick temperature check at E.P. Scarlett and Halifax West respectively, revealed that the racism continues in similar forms to this day. Of course, there were and are no consequences for any of the students participating in these behaviours.
The first time I was called the N-Word, I was too young to remember but I doubt my parents will ever forget it. The first time I personally recall it happening was at StFX. I was running past Riley Hall when someone yelled, “RUN NI––ER, RUN!” This incident was in my first year and I will contrast it with a different incident from my third year. As background, at the end of October 2017, Frank Magazine published a racist cartoon of Halifax activist and poet laureate, El Jones.1 Her face was drawn to resemble a Blackface caricature reminiscent of the Jim Crow era. The condemnation of the image was widespread and almost immediate. A few weeks after this controversy, a Xaverian Weekly Senior Reporter wrote a piece called “Define before you assign” which is luckily still searchable on The Xaverian Weekly’s website.
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In this piece, the writer discusses what is considered racism and who is considered a racist. The examples he provided included thinly veiled references to what happened to El Jones as well as discussions about culturally appropriative Halloween costumes. Before I begin my discussion, I would like to note that the writer was a White male. I am not averse to White males discussing racism, however seeing as they benefit from both male and White privilege, it is incumbent for their conversations to be grounded in fact, evidence, and data about people of colour. It is impossible for White males to form an opinion about racism based on how they have experienced it. Why? Because White males do not, cannot, and will never experience racism. I said what I said.
I would argue that the article the writer wrote was not based in evidence or facts, it was solely speculative. He was not willing to outright state that he did not believe that the caricature of El Jones was racist, perhaps for fear of repercussions. He skirted the topic, questioning if drawing exaggerated features on a person who may have already had some of those features, was racist. He argued that models get their skin lightened on covers of magazines all the time, but no one says anything about that. Then he went on to question why Black celebrities that wore Whiteface did not get backlash in the same way that a White celebrity wearing Blackface would receive and wondered aloud whether cultural regalia as a costume was truly culturally appropriative. Note that in each example, he questioned if any of these situations even had anything to do with race in the first place. He concluded by saying we should not call people racists easily, because it is a “powerful word.”3
Based on the arguments he presented, I imagine the writer also claims colour-blindness about race and questions why White people cannot use the N-Word. For brevity’s sake, I will only offer a short analysis. First thing to know, the Transatlantic Slave Trade happened. This slave trade reduced African and Indigenous peoples to chattel and irrevocably changed the power dynamics and path of development for our world. Therefore, the interactions between White and Black peoples will always show dynamics of power and privilege, meaning that even if you switch the roles of a White and a Black person in a situation, it will not have the same impact. There is a reason for that. Furthermore, skin lightening is not relegated to the cover of magazines, in fact it happens in real life. All over the world, dark-skinned people attempt to lighten their complexions with the use of harmful chemical products to try to get closer to European beauty standards and with the hope of being better accepted in their societies. What you are witnessing in both instances is colourism; maybe the writer could have looked that up? For the record, Blackface caricatures were used as an oppressive tool against Black peoples and their core intention was to remove Black people’s humanity and relegate them again to a lesser-than status. These caricatures were used popularly even within the last 50 years. The type of speculation that the writer used in his article, aims to gaslight Black people and erase their lived experiences by calling those experiences into question while simultaneously minimizing the harm committed against Black people in those instances.
If comparing these two incidents, from my first year then my third year, and having to choose between being called the N-Word from a window versus reading the Xaverian writer’s racist ‘lite’ article, I would prefer to be called the N-Word again. But why would I choose that? Because for me, there is a comfort in knowing who is unapologetically racist. Then I can hate them, avoid them, hold them accountable, educate them, rehabilitate them etc., whatever I choose to do. Part of what made the writer’s article so infuriating, is that he wrote in a way that tried to avoid responsibility for the opinions he offered. It was the illusion of objectivity and of not taking sides, similar to the tactic used by whomever runs the “stfx memes 1853” Instagram account, when they discussed what is happening in Nova Scotia surrounding the moderate livelihood fisheries built by the Mi’kmaq. Both individuals used questions and speculation with the aim of not being held to account for the racist and white supremacist ideas they were proffering. I personally prefer to simply know who is racist, so that I can respond accordingly.
When my cousin was talking about the racism she experienced at Halifax West, she made a very powerful argument. She said today she sees the same people who all their lives tormented Black students, now attending Black Lives Matter protests. They either do not mention their past actions or explain them away as ignorance or a lack of maturity. She asserted that these excuses were unacceptable because being racist is not merely a stage or a normal part of growing up and it also dismisses the irrevocable harm towards Black students who suffered these daily abuses. There are plenty of people, plenty of White people, who grew up without having been racist towards or saying racist things, to their classmates. These former high schooler’s actions, like the
Xaverian writer’s and the meme account owner’s, must be understood as deliberate and therefore need to be addressed and held accountable as such.
Unfortunately, the type of racism that the Xaverian writer and the meme account owner were demonstrating is the type of racism that most people suffer from. Most people do not go around in KKK hoods with nooses propped in the back of their car. Racism is mostly subtle and exists in the unquestioned biases and attitudes of the people who we interact with everyday. Do you have any Black people in your close circle? No? Have you ever wondered why? I am sure you can name the capital of England, but do you know the capital of Nigeria? Why not? And have you ever wondered why you know, what you know and why you don’t know, what you don’t know? Reni Eddo-Lodge, author of blog “Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People about Race” which later became a published book, discusses how structural racism is difficult to hold to account. She says racism is both structural and institutional, but also notes that it is built into spaces much broader than our traditional institutions.4
Eddo-Lodge describes institutional racism as dozens, hundreds, or thousands of people with the same biases coming together to make up an organization. The outcome is a White workplace culture set by these people and it exists through implicit biases, snap judgements, and assumptions about an outsider’s competence.5 If we return to examine our institutions through the lens of structural racism, what will we learn about our schools, universities, hospitals, government agencies, and police departments? If we know that White workplace culture exists in these places, it means that anyone outside of that culture learns to either conform or alternatively, face failure as an outcast.6The culture of these institutions also determines what we learn, what we know, and what is visible to us.
While I was at StFX, there were serious issues with how Black students were treated as well as many gaffes from the university that could have been easily avoided. To make visible these issues and these instances, I shall name a few. The “We Are StFX” video filmed without including any people of colour. The exclusion of Black students during social events. Without forewarning, watching the public humiliation of one of our mentors and not being asked if we were okay afterwards. The constant equity forums where students give their time, emotional labour, and expertise, just for nothing to come of it. The recruitment of Black students, but only for the athletics program. The concentrated focus on the student accounts of International students. The lack of institutional resources for Black students. The little to no representation of Black people among professors and senior administration. And more recently, a missive that was sent out by the university informing students of RCMP presence on campus for COVID spot checks framed as positive news. This last one was particularly stinging because it happened just two months after global protests calling out police brutality against Black people.
Eddo-Lodge says collective bias is what has real impact on people’s lives. She explains that people with biases hold positions of power, they teach, they prosecute, look at university applications, and hire staff.7 You may even have noticed how bias played a role in some of StFX’s decisions, outlined in the previous paragraph. We already know that people with Black or Asian sounding names are less likely to receive interview call backs.8 So I wonder to myself, is it the person that calls me the N-Word on the street that harms me most, or is it the person that prevents me from getting a job and contributing to my community? (This is not permission to use the N-Word).
When Dr. Adolph Reed Jr. came to StFX, he challenged me to think about racism, white supremacy, class, and inequality from perspectives I had not considered before. I would stay up late those nights, analyzing his arguments again and again, trying to see if they somehow fit into my knowledge of critical race theory. At times, I even changed my mind from previous ways of thinking (always an uncomfortable process). One of his arguments that resonated was that we should examine the contexts under which racism and white supremacy become more powerful to effectively address inequality, opposed to focusing on just labeling the forces that cause those inequalities.9 By using this line of thinking, I ask what conditions previously existed and currently exist at E.P. Scarlett, Halifax West, and StFX that allow for the unequal treatment of Black students? What context emboldens White students to make monkey noises in the hallways and hockey players to use the N-Word? What circumstances make it so that Black youth are primarily recruited for their athletic prowess instead of their academic success? What processes at StFX University make it so difficult to follow through on equity initiatives? How does White workplace culture influence each level of university decision-making? Once we can answer these questions, I dare say we can begin addressing the inequalities that Black students face everyday.
But what until then? I mean as Black students, we have our coping mechanisms. We code-switch, we hang out with other Black people, we used to complain to our beloved ADSA advisor and hang out in her office, and when the bland food got to be too much, we would call our friends over and cook a feast. While reading this essay, I am sure you felt uncomfortable at certain points. After all, the truth is never heard easily. But understand that Black students, in just one moment, feel what you are feeling now at maybe ten or twenty times the intensity, at multiple instances throughout each and every day. So, you can sit there, feeling guilty and uncomfortable, or perhaps you can make the decision to finally work on rectifying your internalized biases and racism. Yes, it will be a long process, but it is so important. The support for Black Lives Matter fell among White people, from 60% support in June, to 40% in September.x This is not just a statistic; this is real life. Do the work on yourself and at the very least, you will come out of it a better person. Only, of course, if that is your intention. Whatever you choose, Black people will keep on keeping on as we always do, but just don’t expect me to be polite the next time you ask me if my hair is real.
